You Are Your Child's First Teacher by Rahima Baldwin Dancy

Author:Rahima Baldwin Dancy [Dancy, Rahima Baldwin]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-1-60774-303-3
Publisher: Clarkson Potter/Ten Speed
Published: 2012-08-14T00:00:00+00:00

CRYING BABIES

Since babies can’t verbalize their feelings and needs, they cry for a wide variety of reasons. We are taught to see whether they are wet or hungry, but if they are not, we usually try to hush them up or ignore them. As we have seen, it is important to respond to a crying baby, not leave her to “cry it out.”

The next time you hear a baby cry, notice what feelings and associations it brings up in you. Also take some time to think about how you respond to your baby’s cues; are you more concerned with your own discomfort or the child’s? Many valuable exercises to help parents understand their own feelings about crying, sleep, food, and so forth can be found in Exercises in Self-Awareness for New Parents, by Aletha Jauch Solter.13 Her book The Aware Baby also offers much good advice about crying babies.14

Having a “colicky” or high-needs infant can be a real strain on parents. There are many techniques you can try—looking for food allergies, burping the baby frequently, putting warmth or pressure on the tummy, giving weak chamomile tea—but there doesn’t seem to be any statistical correlation between causes and cures for colic. Limiting stimulation and trying to create a calm environment should certainly be the place to start. Above all, try to remain calm yourself, because it is impossible to calm a baby if you are tense and annoyed (remember how imitative they are on the physical level!). Also remember that you are not responsible for your child’s personality or temperament. Sometimes the best you can do is just be there for the infant, lovingly holding her while she cries. Crying can be a great release if done in the arms of someone who loves you.

Vimala Schneider, author and founder of the International Association of Infant Massage Instructors, writes, “Forcing babies to ‘cry it out,’ hushing babies’ cries by stopping up their mouths, and letting babies cry ‘cathartically’ can all be excuses for not taking the time to listen to what they have to say. There is no quick fix. A good parent—a good culture—must go through the sometimes difficult process of responding to babies’ cues individually, with compassion and with common sense.”15

One father describes his efforts to become more intuitively aware of what his daughter’s cries mean:

In the evening, after we put Tara to bed, she sometimes wakes up after about an hour or so. At this point, she starts to cry, and we do not respond immediately, because we want her to learn to go back to sleep.… The decision whether to get up or not is a function of the nature of the crying. There’s a kind of crying that is whimpering, where it’s clear she is still asleep, and a kind of cry that is screeching, and it’s obvious she is awake and distressed. However, there are some in-between cries, where it’s hard to tell how she’s feeling.

I found myself trying the following technique. Rather than listening with my ear or with my mind, I have started to try and listen first with my heart.

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